I am hurt

1grandma · Sun Oct 02, 2011 6:20 pm

I have a real good friend who has a grown daughter, Julie, that just does not like me. We have issues that go way back for years but are not my fault. Someone caused trouble between us before we even knew each other. OK, So, I got a message from my friend that read as below:

Need your address for an invite to Rosali's shower. Julie is OK with it but she really has longstanding issues(that she refuses to overcome) so don't expect hugs from her. OK? If your able to focus on just being there for Rosali, not Julie, then we would love to see you! Rosali wishes you to come.

OH, I redesigned the invites that you and I did. Just wasn't happy with them. I'm sending you one cause I ran out of diaper invites! It's cute too! Taking that card class at that crop has been really helpful for me. AND I have new punches..Paper Shaper by EK. So far they are doing great.

So, your house number on Finley?

That was her message verbatime. I only cut and pasted it. I sent her my address, but the whole time I am trying to deal with my negative feelings about how she said all that. "Julie is ok"?? What is Julie ok with? Me, coming to her sil's babyshower? So? Why would my firend suppose that I would focus on Julie instead of Rosalie? It is Rosalie's babyshower. I resent all the negative implications here in what she said. I don't even want to go now except I really love Rosalie. I know the grownup thing to do would be to go and forget all this other stuff. And maybe I will be able to do that. But, I sure don't feel any warm fuzzies toward my friend right now and I am hurt that she would even consider that I would....cause trouble or act out or ??? I don't know what she thought, but I just want to chuck the whole friendship if she puts conditions on it. That sure isn't love.

nun69 · Sun Oct 02, 2011 6:45 pm

with that message I woudl have to decline and send a nice gift and card to Rosalie.....I wouldn't want to be there with all the negativity....

JulesinParadise · Sun Oct 02, 2011 7:03 pm

I agree with Angie. Life is too short to be some place where someone is just "ok" with you being there. They should appreciate you for all you are.

oceanbreezes423 · Sun Oct 02, 2011 7:22 pm

I was in an almost identical situation last spring. My dil's family gave her a baby shower. The way I was invited was she saw me on FB and asked if I would be mad, since it was on my birthday. First, I am not so petty as to want nothing on my day, second, my relationship with this dil is strained at best, and we rarely ever speak. Long story I will not go into. Anyway, I was really tormented about going. Well, I finally decided that as it was this ds first born, the right thing to do would be to go. And I did. My time there was not miserable, I can visit with anyone. But it was a bit stressful. But the thing I am thankful for, is that I know I did the right thing, they can not ever hold it over my head that I did not go, and it was a few measly hours from my day. I wish you luck!!!

debamas · Sun Oct 02, 2011 7:45 pm

Perhaps this friend was trying to protect you. Caution you since there are no warm fuzzies you'll get from this Julie. The fact is Rosali wishes you to be there for HER Shower. Perhaps the wording was not appropriate.

Sun Oct 02, 2011 7:57 pm

I'd go and TOTALLY ignore Julie. If she seeks YOU out then that's HER problem, not yours. It appears your friend as well as the mom-to-be Rosali want you there!

glo85cam · Sun Oct 02, 2011 8:13 pm

Perhaps this friend was trying to protect you. Caution you since there are no warm fuzzies you'll get from this Julie.

This is pretty much how I read it, too. And I think she wanted to let you know that Julie would not cause any trouble?? I would go and just stay away from the trouble maker.

cort · Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:58 pm

If you think Julie will stir the pot then i would stay away...and send Rosali a gift...or if she lives in the area take her for a small lunch and give her the gift there.

Is there someone else that you are friends with that you can sit with at the shower so that you can be "busy" with them if Julie is lurking around? If so then i would go and sit with those people and ignore Julie.

1grandma · Sun Oct 02, 2011 11:30 pm

I would like to go to the party for Rosalie. But, the fact is that I am just a friend of her mil. All the other people are people I do not know. I think that for now, I am just too hurt to be rational about it. Maybe by the time of the party, I will be better able to think well about it. Also, it is not just about me, it is about Rosalie. Her party. I hope she does not know about all this junk going on. I sure won't tell her about it. Thank you ladies for all of your great advice. I need to think about it and figure out what is right for me.

TraciL · Mon Oct 03, 2011 6:59 am

I'd go and give the most fabulous gift to the girl you love. It's her day! - don't let this other being take away from her joy.

Take the high road, act pleasant say hello if you see her........nothing peeves a hater off more than being ignored!

good Luck! YOU CAN DO THIS

JanetM · Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:00 am

Go ahead and go - let them carry on with the issues they have. Enjoy your friend, say hello and just sit with people you have fun with.

debamas · Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:34 am

But, I sure don't feel any warm fuzzies toward my friend right now and I am hurt that she would even consider that I would....cause trouble or act out or ??? I don't know what she thought, but I just want to chuck the whole friendship if she puts conditions on it. That sure isn't love.

But, the fact is that I am just a friend of her mil. All the other people are people I do not know

From these feelings and statements, it's your friendship with your friend that is the most important issue; not Julie, or Rosali or even if you attend the party.

scrapbookmary · Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:37 am

Awww....people can be so mean and hurtful. I think you should go with a smile in your heart and be the best person you can be. Find a very chatty person and sit with her during the shower....and, buy a fabulous gift, or make a fabulous gift and be cheerful. I agree, the best way to act towards a "mean girl", is to be a fun, happy, roll off your shoulder, kinda gal. You may regret not attending, but, more than likely, you won't regret taking the high road and sucking it up for a few hours and going. Just my opinion......

4peasinourpod · Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:46 am

I would go and be there for the guest of honor. I really DO think it was sucky that your BFF worded it that way, but I also give her kudos for being honest. It ISN'T about JULIE.
I really and truly don't understand pettiness. I have people that I would not choose to hang out with, but I can talk to pretty much anybody. I hate no one.

Firegems · Mon Oct 03, 2011 11:06 am

I think you should go for Roslia's sake as she is the important one. I would talk to your friend and let her explain what she was saying as hearing it and reading it usually is two different meanings as written words do not sure the emotion or tone that is ment to be. The important thing is not to let them ruin your happeness and make you feel you need to miss out on important people or events in your life.

Hope it all turns out well for you.

Heidi

scrapaholic · Mon Oct 03, 2011 11:16 am

personally if I received that I would decline the invitation and send a gift.

Queen Mum · Mon Oct 03, 2011 11:40 am

The shower is about Rosali. If you care about her - go. If the relationship with ROSALI isn't all that great, don't go (send a gift or not, your choice)

But don't let Julie dictate how your day will be. She has the issue - let her deal with her pettiness on her own. Smile nicely and go sit with someone else. THIS IS NOT ABOUT JULIE.

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