Hit me with your best joke***winners***

[MaBuglet]

 I love a good joke.  Post one here and I'll shoot out some points for the ones that make me giggle the most!  Remember...although it won't offend me....you kinda have to keep them somewhat clean for Board consumption


Shannon and LKappy...funny stuff!!  50 points each. 

[momofgjc]

 Ok firts let me say I don't even know yet who I am voting for but I still got a chuckle out of this joke!

There are just a few months until the election, an election that will decide the

next President of the United States. The person elected will be the President

of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans.

To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each

other our support for the candidate of our choice.

It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike.

If you support the policies and character of John McCain, please drive with

your headlights on during the day.

If you support Obama or Hillary, please drive with your headlights off at night.

[ScrapGoo]

 This is a visual one... this is a real mural created by women for a men's rest room... LOL

[evilqueen]

 Only you will come up with something lilke that Jess.

[Janell]

 You're gonna love this one Jamie, came striaght from Alex's ice cream stick.

What did the dollar bill name his daughter?

Answer: Penny

Now where's my points????

[fong33]

 What is invisible and smells like carrots?




Bunny farts!

[bayouscrap]

 I love a good joke!
 
red neck on the jury
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the red neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the red neck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.

[SusanZennario]

 Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.
Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,
"Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".

[momofgjc]

 Or how about a cartoon instead?

[PezKat]

You know you've been married a long time when... you get spam email titled "American Singles" and your first thought is cheese!

[SusanZennario]

[quote="fong33"] What is invisible and smells like carrots?




Bunny farts!
[/quote]


EEEEEWWWWW!!  LOL

[ScrapGoo]

 Only you will come up with something lilke that Jess.

Hey, you know, I try.

[-Shannon-]

 Must be said in an asian accent...

Love this joke

Ed Zachary DiseaseA woman was distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in
quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so
she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex
therapist, Dr. Chang.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your
crose." The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room." Again, the
woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me..." As she
did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly.

"Your probrem velly bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see.
Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary
Disease?"

Dr. Chang sighed deeply and eplied: "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face
look Ed Zachary like your butt."

[beachlover]

 A Spanish teacher
>       was explaining to her class
>       that in Spanish, unlike English,
>       nouns are designated as either
>       masculine or feminine.
>
>       "House"
>       for instance,
>       is feminine:
>       "la casa."
>
>       "Pencil,"
>       however,
>       is masculine:
>       "el lapiz."
>
>       A student asked,
>       "What gender is 'computer'?"
>
>       Instead of giving the answer,
>       the teacher split the class into two groups,
>       male and female,
>       and asked them to decide
>       for themselves whether
>       "computer"
>       should be
>       a masculine or a feminine noun.
>
>       Each group was asked
>       to give four reasons
>       for its recommendation.
>
>       The men's group decided that
>       "computer"
>       should definitely be
>       of the feminine gender
>       ("la computadora"),
>       because:
>       1. No one but their creator
>       understands their internal logic;
>
>       2. The native language
>       they use to communicate
>       with other computers is
>       incomprehensible to everyone else;
>
>       3. Even the smallest mistakes
>       are stored in long term memory
>       for possible later retrieval; and
>
>       4. As soon as you make
>       a commitment to one,
>       you find yourself spending
>       half your paycheck
>       on accessories for it.
>
>       (THIS  GETS  BETTER!)
>
>       The women's group,
>       however, concluded
>       that computers should be Masculine
>       ("el computador"),
>       because:
>       1. In order to do anything
>       with them,
>       you have to turn them on;
>
>       2. They have a lot of data
>       but still can't think for themselves;
>
>       3. They are supposed
>       to help you solve problems,
>       but half the time
>       they ARE the problem; and
>
>       4. As soon as you commit to one,
>       you realize that if you
>       had waited a little longer,
>       you could have gotten
>       a better model.
>
>       The women won.

[ScrapGoo]

 omg Shannon!  I haven't heard that one in years but it was a family favorite when I was a kid.  LOL!!

[TinaH]

 I vote for Shannon's joke--I laughed out loud!

[CatwoMN]

 A guy's going on a business trip and he has to take his secretary with him, and she's really crazy about him. The first night on the Amtrak, she's in the top bunk and he's in the bottom bunk. She says, "Mr. Forsythe! Mr. Forsythe! I'm chilly! I think I need a blanket!" He says, "Miss Schmitt, how'd you like to pretend you're *Mrs.* Forsythe for a little while? She says, "Oh, I'd like that." He says, "Then get you own d*mn blanket."

[Jeanne Marie's Scraps]

 so last week my husband and i had this huge fight over all the space his hunting stuff takes up in my scrap room i told him i was going to sell it all an add an addition to the house just for him. Then i had to leave on a business trip. when i returned home there was a gift setting on the bed for me. the note attached read "i wanted to get you your own space to store all of your scrap book stuff, so i sold all of your supplies, and got you this, it'was a large rubbermade container!
when i questioned him he said "honey i wanted to build a room on to the house but when i sold all of your stuff i didn't take a dime less than what you said you had paid for it. and the container was all i could afford. but at least you can replace all your supplies and get some more with the $20.00 gift card i got you from the craft store you like so much.

[-Tracy-]

 I would not be me if I came into this thread with anything other than an LOL cat. So here's my recent fave:

[BeatrizS]

 A young man has a great date planned with a hot chick, unfortunately he’s also got a bad case of gas. Upon arriving at the girl’s house to pick her up, he meets the parents and waits for her in the living room while she finishes getting ready.At this point his stomach is turning and he’s doing the best he can to hold his gas. This is some serious stuff too, beer and beef burrito farts - the stuff dreams are made of. Luckily, just before he was about to explode Spot, the family dog, jumps on his lap as he sits on the couch. He figures it’s safe to let out alittle bit of the pressure and and if anyone notices they’ll think that the dog did it.He farts, and the woman yells, “Spot, get down from there.” The guy thinks to himself, “Thank God! They think the dog did it.” Seizing the opportunity, he lets out another fart and the woman, again, yells for the dog to get down.This goes on for a few more farts when, finally, the woman yells loudly, “Dammit Spot, get down before he poops on you!”