Question for You Ladies!

[QueenBee89]

I am curious as to what other scrappers would do here!

I scrapbooked very little from 2011-2018 or so, I struggled with figuring out what I wanted to do once I graduated from college and scrapbooking “school years” was no longer an option. I did mostly trip albums or gifts or just single layouts for framing on my walls. I have since come up with a system that works for me & my need for storing chronologically, but I don’t scrap in order.

In 2015, I was the maid of honor for my childhood best friend. A year later, she was my matron of honor. We have, for reasons I don’t know, lost touch over the last nearly 3 years. We have not seen each other since before my first son was born. I have not yet scrapbooked photos of her wedding & I have a lot of them. My question is, would you still included them in the album? If so, how do I find the motivation to do so when the friendship has seemingly ended?

On a similar note, I am scrapbooking my sisters wedding from November 2020, which I did not attend last minute due to rising COVID cases and having a newborn. I was to be her matron of honor. Would you include a layout explaining why I was not there or should I just do hidden journaling on the back of the first page?

Thanks for reading my long-winded overthought questions! Haha!

[CarrieG]

the beauty of scrapbooking is you dont have to scrap anything you dont wish to!  if you are no longer friends...i stay just store the photos and you may change your mind someday but there is no obligation

the covid wedding of your sister---i would personally do a fun layout about why you were not able to be there etc....make it a good memory!

[Flasher]

I completely agree with Carrie!  I'm in almost the exact same position -- although I'm older than you.  About 10 years ago, my childhood friend (since I was 3) and I drifted apart.  I'm not even sure of the reason.  I have pics of us at each other's weddings, each other's baby showers, etc.  I've thought about scrapping them, but decided against it.  I just put the photos in an album to keep the memories.  If I change my mind later, I can always do it then.  And, no, I don't know why we stopped speaking. 

And, I think Carrie is spot on about making a funny story layout about the wedding!

But, like she said . . . scrapbooking is for you to do what you want and what feels right to you!

[QueenBee89]

I completely agree with Carrie!  I'm in almost the exact same position -- although I'm older than you.  About 10 years ago, my childhood friend (since I was 3) and I drifted apart.  I'm not even sure of the reason.  I have pics of us at each other's weddings, each other's baby showers, etc.  I've thought about scrapping them, but decided against it.  I just put the photos in an album to keep the memories.  If I change my mind later, I can always do it then.  And, no, I don't know why we stopped speaking. 

And, I think Carrie is spot on about making a funny story layout about the wedding!

But, like she said . . . scrapbooking is for you to do what you want and what feels right to you!

I am sorry you’ve experienced something similar with an old friend! My friend and I had also grown up together since Kindergarten, so it has been confusing and difficult at times. After I had my son, I invited several friends out to meet him to which they all had no interest. We stopped speaking shortly after that. It was too hard trying to maintain a friendship with someone who didn’t seem to value our relationship, especially as a new mom! 

I like the idea of making a layout about the reasons I wasn’t there. Unfortunately it was not a very good moment, but our relationship has since been mended. I think I will do all the pretty pictures first and see how I feel after that! 
 

[QueenBee89]

the beauty of scrapbooking is you dont have to scrap anything you dont wish to!  if you are no longer friends...i stay just store the photos and you may change your mind someday but there is no obligation

the covid wedding of your sister---i would personally do a fun layout about why you were not able to be there etc....make it a good memory!

I have also thought about making just a simple double page layout with a few highlights rather than an entire half album of all the photos. This way I can document the memory without having to drag out the process and remind myself of the ending of the friendship. 

I do like your idea of creating a layout - the journaling would be the opposite of fun, but I can make it pretty!

[DrSonja]

 

 After I had my son, I invited several friends out to meet him to which they all had no interest. We stopped speaking shortly after that. It was too hard trying to maintain a friendship with someone who didn’t seem to value our relationship, especially as a new mom! 

  

Just in case you are interested in different perspectives, here are my thoughts.

I believe in the joy of the moment. Each moment that brings us joy or pleasure is not to be compared to other moments. So, when you were the maid of honor or went to an event of some sort--the joy of THAT moment belongs to you forever, even if you never see that person again. If you like to scrap great moments- scrap it----because what you are scrapping is that fun, happy, loving moment. 

If you are feeling disappointed NOW, that you haven't had MORE fun, happy moments with this person, well, that is a different subject and potentially a different scrap page LOL. 

On friendships, personally, and this is ME and it may not be a popular opinion, but I would not be interested in a "meet the baby" date for someone I had been friends with for a long time. Why? Because my friend is the woman, not the child. I might even really be missing the woman who used to spend time with me and focus on my adult life and our shared growing-up experiences. I don't need a baby for a friend and I don't care to spend time with babies. When I was a young adult in child-bearing days I was so busy with work, home, my own kids, that any chance I had to drag an hour for myself, the LAST thing I wanted was to be around a baby! I wanted some pure, chill, adult time! And especially, if you had an infant and your friends did NOT have kids----a "meet the baby" would likely be the last thing they would be interested in. A new mom may get support from other new moms, but even that is iffy given how stressful being a new mom can be. It's not that you don't want to be helpful, you just might not have the energy, time, and space to give anything meaningful. And, a good 18-20% of new moms have post-partum depression and/or anxiety that is very debilitating.

So, all that being said, if you have a bunches of pics and love to scrap: why not scrap an extra page and mail it to your friend with a note saying "I miss you, I miss us, I don't know why we grew apart, but here is a gift of one of our great moments. If you are interested in catching up, give me a call."  It can't hurt, and who knows, maybe it will be the start of a new chapter?

[traveler]

I scrapped about things missed from Covid, with journaling, because it was such a part of our collective experience.

As for the friend you are no longer in touch with, it depends if you want to scrap it. I have friends I’m barely or not in touch with, but would be happy to see, others there was an incident or reason it ended. If you do scrap it, just include her name and that she was a childhood friend, so if your kids look, they know why it’s there.

[QueenBee89]

 

 After I had my son, I invited several friends out to meet him to which they all had no interest. We stopped speaking shortly after that. It was too hard trying to maintain a friendship with someone who didn’t seem to value our relationship, especially as a new mom!  

Just in case you are interested in different perspectives, here are my thoughts.

I believe in the joy of the moment. Each moment that brings us joy or pleasure is not to be compared to other moments. So, when you were the maid of honor or went to an event of some sort--the joy of THAT moment belongs to you forever, even if you never see that person again. If you like to scrap great moments- scrap it----because what you are scrapping is that fun, happy, loving moment. 

If you are feeling disappointed NOW, that you haven't had MORE fun, happy moments with this person, well, that is a different subject and potentially a different scrap page LOL. 

On friendships, personally, and this is ME and it may not be a popular opinion, but I would not be interested in a "meet the baby" date for someone I had been friends with for a long time. Why? Because my friend is the woman, not the child. I might even really be missing the woman who used to spend time with me and focus on my adult life and our shared growing-up experiences. I don't need a baby for a friend and I don't care to spend time with babies. When I was a young adult in child-bearing days I was so busy with work, home, my own kids, that any chance I had to drag an hour for myself, the LAST thing I wanted was to be around a baby! I wanted some pure, chill, adult time! And especially, if you had an infant and your friends did NOT have kids----a "meet the baby" would likely be the last thing they would be interested in. A new mom may get support from other new moms, but even that is iffy given how stressful being a new mom can be. It's not that you don't want to be helpful, you just might not have the energy, time, and space to give anything meaningful. And, a good 18-20% of new moms have post-partum depression and/or anxiety that is very debilitating.

So, all that being said, if you have a bunches of pics and love to scrap: why not scrap an extra page and mail it to your friend with a note saying "I miss you, I miss us, I don't know why we grew apart, but here is a gift of one of our great moments. If you are interested in catching up, give me a call."  It can't hurt, and who knows, maybe it will be the start of a new chapter? 

I like your perspective on the joy of the moment! This is probably why I still have the photos and space planned in an album. If I hadn’t gotten so far behind in my albums, I would have already scrapped these beautiful photos long long ago! 

I have also thought about sending a note like you mentioned, I do like the idea of creating a separate layout as a gift/happy mail. 

[condo]

Ok, so let me jump on your question if you don't mind............

I was never much of a scrapbooker. I started off doing a few pages here and there. At that time my middle child had just finished her middle school class trip to Toronto. I did an album for her. I started doing some other pages and then life happened and things got really busy and I didn't get together with my scrappin' group and my scrapping stopped. I would love to do more of our family trips in scrapbooks. 

Here is my dilemma. That was years ago, that middle schooler is now in her 30s. As a historian and art history major, it is all about the details in my journaling.  Too long ago to remember all of those things and in the right order. I have 3 kids, so, if I make one album for each trip.......what happens down the road, who gets what, if anyone wants any of it. The last few decades, phones have pretty much taken over the need of many cameras. To top that off, I can't remember the last time we printed off any photos. So much that is captured doesn't get shared as much any more...............

How to even begin "catching up"?????

thanks for the question, and the opportunity to figure out what and how to move forward, while looking back. 

condo

ps. I'm a perfectionist so also a procrastinator 

[aheatfan]

I think as scrapbookers we tend to overthink everything. This is my perspective...my very best high school friend and later roommate and I had a falling out, it was not pleasant. She is my son's godmother. I have not spoken to her in many years.

When I scrap my son's childhood...(I am very far behind), I still include her in the pages where she was present That was our life, it is all part of our story.

I truly believe in telling it like it was. We will never reconcile but she was a big part of our lives and I feel its important not too erase that.

As far as the Covid issue..I also skipped a wedding due to covid. I will just add the story and put it in my pandemic album. Life is not always pretty and perfect but it's our story.

[Flasher]

I think as scrapbookers we tend to overthink everything. This is my perspective...my very best high school friend and later roommate and I had a falling out, it was not pleasant. She is my son's godmother. I have not spoken to her in many years.

When I scrap my son's childhood...(I am very far behind), I still include her in the pages where she was present That was our life, it is all part of our story.

I truly believe in telling it like it was. We will never reconcile but she was a big part of our lives and I feel its important not too erase that.

As far as the Covid issue..I also skipped a wedding due to covid. I will just add the story and put it in my pandemic album. Life is not always pretty and perfect but it's our story.

Yes, we do overthink everything!  We just need to remember that we should scrap what we want to scrap!  For those that are behind (like me, and probably the vast majority of scrappers), start with one moment or event or holiday that you do remember and do cherish.  That's usually a good jump off point for me.
 

[VickiR]

When I first read your post, I was reluctant to reply but here's my opinion. 

Lives change and go in different directions as we get older.  My best friend while growing up was in my wedding.  We moved away and I was not in hers when she married 2 years later.  I was extremely hurt, but got past it.  We keep in touch but haven't spent time together in almost almost 50 years.  She was an important part of my younger life and I share great memories with her.  Excluding her from scrapbook LOs about my wedding or any other time I shared with her is something I would not do.  There may be background events that I am not privy too and vice versa.

Being one of the older members here, I can honestly say that life's events are not always on our side, but how we respond to them is of our own doing.  I am a giver and forgiver moving forward.  Life is too short...I choose happy!

[traveler]

Just in case you are interested in different perspectives, here are my thoughts.



On friendships, personally, and this is ME and it may not be a popular opinion, but I would not be interested in a "meet the baby" date for someone I had been friends with for a long time. Why? Because my friend is the woman, not the child. I might even really be missing the woman who used to spend time with me and focus on my adult life and our shared growing-up experiences. I don't need a baby for a friend and I don't care to spend time with babies. When I was a young adult in child-bearing days I was so busy with work, home, my own kids, that any chance I had to drag an hour for myself, the LAST thing I wanted was to be around a baby! I wanted some pure, chill, adult time! And especially, if you had an infant and your friends did NOT have kids----a "meet the baby" would likely be the last thing they would be interested in. A new mom may get support from other new moms, but even that is iffy given how stressful being a new mom can be. It's not that you don't want to be helpful, you just might not have the energy, time, and space to give anything meaningful. And, a good 18-20% of new moms have post-partum depression and/or anxiety that is very debilitating.

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion, but the meet the baby date isn't actually about meeting the baby. It's about the new mom seeing her friends. Change is hard, and being a new mom is lonely and while it's exciting to be experiencing new things, most new moms also miss their grown-up life from before and their friendships. Friends take different paths and have more and less things in common over the years, but it isn't a reason to stop being friends. 


 

[Craftyshannon]

I scrap because I enjoy it. I enjoy the creative process and making something pretty or getting my thoughts down in paper.  I hope that my girls might want to look through the albums someday,  but if they don't that's fine too. I will eventually put together a baby book type album for their first year,  but I'm not stressing about it. I don't scrap everything or worry about catching up or do it in chronological order. I do use ring albums so I can't put my pages in the album in approx chronological order whenever i finish them. I don't think scrapbooks need to be a record of everything on my life,  just snapshots of my life at different times.  

My suggestion would be to think about why you're scrapping and for whom.  If it's just for you,  would seeing a page of the wedding make you think of your friend and smile or make you feel sad?  Can you get a photo of your sister's wedding and scrap that along with journaling about why you couldn't attend? 

[QueenBee89]

Ok, so let me jump on your question if you don't mind............

I was never much of a scrapbooker. I started off doing a few pages here and there. At that time my middle child had just finished her middle school class trip to Toronto. I did an album for her. I started doing some other pages and then life happened and things got really busy and I didn't get together with my scrappin' group and my scrapping stopped. I would love to do more of our family trips in scrapbooks. 

Here is my dilemma. That was years ago, that middle schooler is now in her 30s. As a historian and art history major, it is all about the details in my journaling.  Too long ago to remember all of those things and in the right order. I have 3 kids, so, if I make one album for each trip.......what happens down the road, who gets what, if anyone wants any of it. The last few decades, phones have pretty much taken over the need of many cameras. To top that off, I can't remember the last time we printed off any photos. So much that is captured doesn't get shared as much any more...............

How to even begin "catching up"?????

thanks for the question, and the opportunity to figure out what and how to move forward, while looking back. 

condo

ps. I'm a perfectionist so also a procrastinator 

I have also often had the “what’s going to come of these albums someday” thoughts, and I am your daughters age! I have come to terms with the fact that my boys may not want these, but it’s my hobby and I enjoy it so I continue with doing it. My husband is always saying we can use the albums to remind us of memories as we age, which is precisely why we scrapbook! So lucky to have his blessing in this space intensive hobby, haha! 

As far as your albums, what if you asked your children for specific memories from each trip and started there? Maybe you could compile a memory book for each of them based off of what they each remember from the given event? 

When my grandfather passed 11 years ago, no one else was interested in the boxes of photos he had (my grandmother had passed 5 years prior), so I took them bc I hated the thought of them being thrown away. So now I have hundreds of photos from the 1950s to the early 2000s of my grandparents, my mom and her siblings, and my cousins. I have memories of the later years and I am pondering (aka overthinking) how to record these stories. 

I think at the end of the day, there really is no right way to do any of this. But I have a feeling most scrapbookers have some degree of perfectionism in them so we always just worry we are doing it wrong!

[QueenBee89]

I think as scrapbookers we tend to overthink everything. This is my perspective...my very best high school friend and later roommate and I had a falling out, it was not pleasant. She is my son's godmother. I have not spoken to her in many years.

When I scrap my son's childhood...(I am very far behind), I still include her in the pages where she was present That was our life, it is all part of our story.

I truly believe in telling it like it was. We will never reconcile but she was a big part of our lives and I feel its important not too erase that.

As far as the Covid issue..I also skipped a wedding due to covid. I will just add the story and put it in my pandemic album. Life is not always pretty and perfect but it's our story.

Thanks for sharing your story! I agree with not erasing parts of our story for sure. I think my struggle is more with not reopening any old wounds I’ve worked through in regards to the drifting apart by spending time looking at happy memories and wondering why. 
 

[QueenBee89]

When I first read your post, I was reluctant to reply but here's my opinion. 

Lives change and go in different directions as we get older.  My best friend while growing up was in my wedding.  We moved away and I was not in hers when she married 2 years later.  I was extremely hurt, but got past it.  We keep in touch but haven't spent time together in almost almost 50 years.  She was an important part of my younger life and I share great memories with her.  Excluding her from scrapbook LOs about my wedding or any other time I shared with her is something I would not do.  There may be background events that I am not privy too and vice versa.

Being one of the older members here, I can honestly say that life's events are not always on our side, but how we respond to them is of our own doing.  I am a giver and forgiver moving forward.  Life is too short...I choose happy!

I love this perspective. So much of the last 2 years especially has turned the world and relationships upside down. I absolutely agree, life is far too short to be anything but happy! 
 

[aheatfan]

I think as scrapbookers we tend to overthink everything. This is my perspective...my very best high school friend and later roommate and I had a falling out, it was not pleasant. She is my son's godmother. I have not spoken to her in many years.

When I scrap my son's childhood...(I am very far behind), I still include her in the pages where she was present That was our life, it is all part of our story.

I truly believe in telling it like it was. We will never reconcile but she was a big part of our lives and I feel its important not too erase that.

As far as the Covid issue..I also skipped a wedding due to covid. I will just add the story and put it in my pandemic album. Life is not always pretty and perfect but it's our story.

Yes, we do overthink everything!  We just need to remember that we should scrap what we want to scrap!  For those that are behind (like me, and probably the vast majority of scrappers), start with one moment or event or holiday that you do remember and do cherish.  That's usually a good jump off point for me. 

Agreed, that is the beauty of this hobby, you do what works for you - if it stresses us out then we are less likely to do it.  
 

[aheatfan]

I think as scrapbookers we tend to overthink everything. This is my perspective...my very best high school friend and later roommate and I had a falling out, it was not pleasant. She is my son's godmother. I have not spoken to her in many years.

When I scrap my son's childhood...(I am very far behind), I still include her in the pages where she was present That was our life, it is all part of our story.

I truly believe in telling it like it was. We will never reconcile but she was a big part of our lives and I feel its important not too erase that.

As far as the Covid issue..I also skipped a wedding due to covid. I will just add the story and put it in my pandemic album. Life is not always pretty and perfect but it's our story.

Thanks for sharing your story! I agree with not erasing parts of our story for sure. I think my struggle is more with not reopening any old wounds I’ve worked through in regards to the drifting apart by spending time looking at happy memories and wondering why. 
  

I totally get that, it is very hard to look at those photos sometimes and wish that things could be different. 
 

[aheatfan]

When I first read your post, I was reluctant to reply but here's my opinion. 

Lives change and go in different directions as we get older.  My best friend while growing up was in my wedding.  We moved away and I was not in hers when she married 2 years later.  I was extremely hurt, but got past it.  We keep in touch but haven't spent time together in almost almost 50 years.  She was an important part of my younger life and I share great memories with her.  Excluding her from scrapbook LOs about my wedding or any other time I shared with her is something I would not do.  There may be background events that I am not privy too and vice versa.

Being one of the older members here, I can honestly say that life's events are not always on our side, but how we respond to them is of our own doing.  I am a giver and forgiver moving forward.  Life is too short...I choose happy!

Love this...Amen!!