Hit me with your best joke***winners***

[bluefish]

  A farmer was sitting on his porch one day when a young man drives in
> and
> comes to the door.
>
> "Sir, I was driving by and noticed you had a lot of milkweed in your
> pasture. Would you mind if I went out and got some milk?"
>
> You don't get milk from milkweed!" the farmer replied."
>
> Oh yes," said the young man, "I have a degree in Agriculture from Texas
> A&M, I know all about it."
>
> "Well, help yourself," said the farmer.
> He soon saw the young man coming back to his car with two buckets full
> of
> milk.
>
> The next day the farmer was again sitting on his porch when the same
> young
> man drove up.
>
> "Sir, yesterday when I was getting milk, I noticed you had some
> honeysuckle
> in the fence row. I wondered if you would mind if I got some honey?"
>
> "You don't get honey from honeysuckle!" said the farmer.
>
> Again, the young man explained about his degree from A&M, so the farmer
> agreed to let him collect some honey. Soon the young man came back to
> his
> car with two buckets full of honey.
>
> The next day the same young man drove up to the farmer's house.
>
> "Sir, yesterday when I was getting the honey, I noticed you had some
> pussywillow down by the creek."
>
> The farmer said, "Let me get my shoes and I'll go with you."
>


That's the cleanest one I could find...  I couldn't make myself post the Hilary no more bush one...

[Lillpop]

 There was an old man that went to the doctor.  He said that every time he got up to pee in the middle of the night, God would turn the light on for him.  The doctor thought this was a little strange, but let him continue.  When he left, the doctor immediately called the man's wife.  He said - Ethel, I'm really concerned about your husband.  He said every time he gets up to pee in the middle of night, God turns on the light on for him.  Ethel replied - Oh no, he must be peeing in the refrigerator again. 

[2Bizi]

 The old lady is driving along looking for a parking spot. She looks heavenward and says  "please just let me find a spot and I promise I'll quit smoking and live a healthier lifestyle"
Suddenly a parking spot is right there - the perfect spot!
She looks around and says "Nevermind, I found one on my own..."

[ScrapinMaMaOf3]

 one pie said to the other pie "it sure is hot in here"

the other pie responded "omg! a talking pie!"


i know, cheesy, but the only one i could come up with

[Kara]

 Blonde joke

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar??

She heard the drinks were on the house

[SheilaD]

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told
my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit inebriated, I headed for home. Just as I got in
the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such
a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with
him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told
him "Midnight".

He didn't seem upset at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said, "Oh crap ", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared
it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,
and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

[BeatrizS]

OMG ROFL>>>

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were
asked if they would ever sleep with President
Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'

[asset]

 Why did the young cowboy buy a dachshund?

He heard the old cowboy say "Get a long little doggy."

[AnnOminous]

Why are so many blonde jokes short one or two liners?

So that men can understand them!

[candi123]

[quote="-Shannon-"] Must be said in an asian accent...


Dr. Chang sighed deeply and eplied: "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face
look Ed Zachary like your butt."


LOLOLOl! ROFLMAO!!!!!!  I literally was laughing out loud.... my kids asked me what was so funny, so i read the joke to them and they were cracking up too.  I have tears in my eyes now.

That was hilarious!  I am sure it's a joke I have heard, but it was like hearing it for the first time again!  TOO FREAKIN' FUNNY.[/quote]

[fanoftigers]

 I have loved this since I was a kid, although I didn't really get it then:

Who is bigger, Mister Bigger or Mister Bigger's baby?

Mister Bigger's baby is a "little bigger." 

[DaisyLou]

 I only ever remember one joke, but since it's a tad racey for the board I'll share one of my fav Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. This one really sums up their personalities!

[LKappy]

 I cannot take credit for this joke , Corriekate sent it to me, I had to post it because it is too funny!


Last
night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want
to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a
bottle to keep me alive.  That would be no quality of life at all.
 If that ever happens, just pull the plug. So she got up, unplugged the
computer, and threw out my wine. She's such a b****.

[Flapdoodle]

 Q: What kind of bees give milk?













A: Boo bees 

[AnnOminous]

 You know you're getting old when......

                                     ...... your boobs have fallen and they can't get up!!

[betseymae]

 Two peanuts were walking down the street.  One of them was a "salted" (assaulted).