Information

[scraptag]

My son is 12. He's starting the "changes". His behavior is all over the place. His main problem is that nothing is as important to him as his xbox. We limit it, but he's always sneaking it, and getting it taken away, and it's just so distracting. I should just pack it up, but it's truely the ONLY thing that he likes. He HATES sports. He HATES school (even though he's been GATE/AAA identified). He has no ambition or motivation for ANYTHING. It's hard to motivate him. I'm just at the end of my rope. Does anyone have any advise for me? Does anyone have a similar kid? Should I take him to get him evaluated, or is this just "normal" for this type of child??? I feel like such a bad mom. My dh doesn't believe in phychologists or phychiatrists for kids his age, because he believes it will make them think there is something wrong with them. Okay, so maybe I should go!! Cause I just don't get it. My goodness, why can't he just take apart things around the house, and be curious like all boys. (I grew up with 3 brothers, so it's not like I don't know what boys are like. And my brothers weren't sporty either, but they were always building things, and taking things apart, and working to buy toys. They had goals.) My son has NO GOALS.
Thanks for letting me rant. I won't bring this up again, so any advice you have now would be appreciated.
Thanks...

[handerful]

(((HUGS))) to you.


I have no solid advice, but if he is gifted, he might hate school because he is bored. I would start with talking to teachers/counselors at school to see if there is anything that could be done to challenge him there.

[AnnOminous]

Anyway you can get him into computer programming and creating his own games?

[scrappie_stacie]

Oh the dreaded xbox! We have a PS3 and my 14 year old is addicted to COD. Thankfully he's also involved in every sport under the sun and he just performed in our middle school's production of Godspell so the video game thing doesn't bother me so much. Hmmmmmm... I know you said he doesn't like sports but I wonder if there's anything out there that would light a fire in him. What about a more individual sport? Maybe he's just not into the team thing. Something artsy maybe? Photography? Maybe he'd be interested in helping with the yearbook. I don't think you can really make him do things you want him to do, but I definitely think you can encourage him to find other more productive interests and if he doesn't the xbox goes buh-bye for good! It could just be a phase too. My son has a friend that didn't play football last year because he got sucked into some computer video game over the summer and that's all he was interested in 24/7. Eventually it got old and he did go out for wrestling this past winter and I'm pretty sure he'll be on the football team next year. I'm curious if anyone else has any ideas for you.

[Brandon Singer]

Anyway you can get him into computer programming and creating his own games?

That's what I was about to suggest. Programming games is how I got into programming in the first place.

[beachlover]

funny, I was also thinking he may be interested in programming also if he is a gamer! I had some troubles with my son when he was in school; he was bright, but he just could not sit still and did not want to apply himself. The one and only thing he DID want to do is get greasy and take things apart! In class, he was a constant motion; the teachers were angry with him because he was a distraction, so they'd stick him inthe back of the class. Once they did that, he couldn't see the board to do his work, so he'd ask someone next to him what the bosrd said. He'd get in trouble for talking in class. I just had a terrible time with teachers who would not listen and wanted to call him a problem child or a lost cause! Once I swiched schools and got him into some classes that interested him in high school (electrical construction, fire dept) he was better because he was niot just sitting there, he was doing something with his hands. We eventually made it through high school and he finally has a job as mechanic, doing exactly what he loves! And he makes great money too


Your son will find his way, Teri. It may take some trial ane error and I know you are going crazy now, but he will find that thing that he loves!

[scrappininAK]

Nathan is almost 12 too - he barely speaks or he rabbits on non-stop. Schoolwise he will do the bare minimum - whatever he is asked to do - no more. He will play on his computer or play outside and then suddenly remember he has homework to do. Last night we sat up till 10:30 to finish off a Civil War project that was due today (I only found out cos the teacher emailed a reminder), Of course he'd left his preliminary work in school. So - I think it's normal for boys at this age.

[scrappininAK]

Anyway you can get him into computer programming and creating his own games?

That's what I was about to suggest. Programming games is how I got into programming in the first place.

True - Nathan discovered how to use the camera on his computer and spent all weekend taking pics, morphing them and creating a slide show with comments and music to match. You just have to find something that caotures their interests

[j3xs]

Being bored could very well be an issue for him. The very bright are often overlooked because they can learn in any environment. Maybe a trade, extra xbox time equal to time spent doing something he would like to try or learn about. Keep up to date with school. This parent teacher communication is extremely important with a bright child and continue to do what you are doing..keep eyes and ears open

[MOM2SNOX]

While mine is now 18, he had the same addictions to video games. He detested everything else, including school, friends, sports, etc. The law was laid down that as long as he did well in school, showed respect and did as he was told, he could continue to play his games. As soon as he got in trouble, disobeyed, grades dropped, etc... the game was removed. When he was 14, I took EVERYTHING away from Nov until the following summer. It was the LONGEST 7-8 months of our lives but he learned that "Momma don't play" and when I set rules, they were cast in stone. If you give in... even just an inch, they WILL take a MILE! Stand firm. No matter how difficult it is or will be.

[MOM2SNOX]

Oh by the way... did I say WELCOME to the teenage years?? *tongue in cheek* Hang in there and good luck!

[chrissymia74]

present a united front when laying down the 'law', good luck, and even if he puts up a fuss when you try to get him into something new, insist that he try it, for a reasonable time. Maybe a mentor of some kind "Big Brother"

[scrapsakes]

Anyway you can get him into computer programming and creating his own games?

That's what I was about to suggest. Programming games is how I got into programming in the first place.

it's a terrific idea, i second (third?) the motion as far as trying out other interests.

we've a ds who just turned 13 (going on 30) a couple of months ago and just last night
it seems i'm always about to pull my hair out over this obsession with getting an XBOX
when we already have a wii because his friends are pestering him to play against each
other online, so anyway... yes, it's all very normal, testing your patience & sanity (i've
3 boys) but if he breaks the rule by sneaking in playing, there will be consequences and
i know it's hard (oh, yes i do, sigh) but stick to your guns... you're doing the right thing!

[LyndaKay]

12 yrs. old with no goals? Sounds typical to me, a mom of 3 boys. The one thing we did that I think was a mistake was give a teen a TV in his bedroom. We never saw him. If he plays video games, make sure it's in the family rm or living rm and LIMIT the amt of time.

[JeanG]

Both my sons were the same way - the oldest was worst. Then he found D&D and his friends liked it - and they'd do all-nighters at one house or the other. His circle of friends grew and he's has good friends who help him through everything - as he does for them. I like the idea of getting him into programming - I think he might find it fun and meet others with the same interests online and where you live. Good luck - these next years will be hard, but worth it!

[amberella]

Kay, I just have to throw this out there: Psychologists are there to HELP and not HURT. Of course, just like any doctor or many professions, some of them have bad reputations, so they make the whole group look bad. They're NOT, but again, like doctors or drugs, you need to do your research before you choose one.

Even if you just go in for an evaluation and your son has someone who ISN'T "mom or dad" to talk to, he'll let some things out and maybe indicate what's really bugging him? If he doesn't, it's normal, but the psychologist might be able to give you some insight on what's wrong (if anything) and what you could do.

Does the school he goes to have a psychologist he could see? (they SHOULD, but sometimes they don't make themselves available).

[scraptag]

Thanks everyone for all the love and advice. I didn't want to post specific replys, because I am a little emotional about this subject. I talked with a friend, she says he's normal. But we've been dealing with his lack of interest in life all his life. I'm just not quite certain if it's a ploy or legitimate. or a combo of both. I will try harder to find things he likes, and keep him busy playing with friends and scouts, and setting better rules for the xbox. I wish this parenting thing was a little easier.
(you know, it's really great when we are on vacation...I'd like to do that more )

oh, did I ever tell you he doesn't like amusement parks either!! ugh!
(we live 20 mins from Disneyland, and it's like impossible to go with the whole family because he hates going on rides) wth??? (that's heck!)

Thanks for letting me rant. It's good to get this off my chest and get feedback from others.

[wimom]

We put time limits on how long my son could play, but he could earn extra time by practicing his trumpet or other things. A friend used to say her kids could play only as many hours of video games as they spent exercising and reading. If your son is not interested in organized sports, he still should exercise -- bike riding, swimming, running, golfing or tennis with parents or siblings. And he can read, volunteer, join Boy Scouts, a church group, take up a musical instrument and so on. Fortunately my son played several sports and trumpet for many years, but if he hadn't done so voluntarily I would have made him pick something to at least try. I say tell your son he needs to read, exercise and participate in at least one extracurricular activity. If he says he doesn't want to do any of it, tell him to pick the least objectionable. Good luck!

[lpap0807]

Our local Community College offers classes in the summer for kids ages 8 and up. They have very "hands on" type of things that many kids would find fun (and not very "school-like). I know they offer computer programming classes. Try looking into your local College. I would also check with his teachers to see if they have noticed anything that you should be aware of, or maybe they have a suggestion for you. This can't be a unheard of problem these days!

[JDs Mom]

Have you shared your concerns with him? What's his take on it? I lean towards thinking he's bored at school. Plus--there's the puberty thing going on. Basically, you've got a hot mess on your hands...and it's normal.

Sometimes we put our DS (age 11 1/2) on an "allowance" for the electronic junk and for downright punishment, he's just plain banned from the computer and all video games. It gets the point across PDQ for him. I think he's going to be a game programmer when he gets older--he loves to design his own games on a program called "FPS" (First Person Shooter) and he's getting pretty good at it.

Good luck and remember you have us to talk to. We're cheaper than a psychiatrist...and a lot more fun!