Information

[sherry]

Question- we have an 18 year old daughter- what are your general rules, such as time to be home at night etc. She thinks, of course, we are much too strict, we think we are doing just fine. But I'm curious and double-checking myself. Generally speaking, her curfew would be no later than 12:00midnight, and that's only on weekend nights, and only one of them. She is usually home but now has a boyfriend and the requests to be here & there are becoming more frequent. If he is here, at our house (we don't allow her to go to his house), we stay up til he leaves to go home. That seems reasonable to me. We always know where she is, what she is doing, when she will be home. I'm tired of hearing, "But I'm 18!"-- have told her, 18 means very little unless you are out on your own, supporting yourself. If you are living here, under our roof, it's our rules. I sound like my mom! Any input would be helpful.

[nmelton]

Okay...I am 21 years old...my curfew is 11:00...no exceptions...sounds to me like she doesn't have it bad!!


For a VERY long time I couldn't go to a boys house if parents weren't going to be there...I finally had a fit about that, because my boyfriend is 24 and lives alone...his dad died a little before we started dating and they lived together...I think that is how I got away with it!

[naney1952]

I think your rules are more than fair. Heck when I was her age we had to be in bed by 9:00 pm on weeknights and 11:00 pm on weekends. I can see an exception once in a while for special activities but really your rules are great!

[bfaretra]

My son's curfew was midnight on the weekends when he was 18 (11:00 before that) - and 19 - now he is 21 and only stays out past midnight (when he is home from college) if he is working or playing cards with his male friends. I was very lucky that his girlfriend's family was even more strict than us. When they went off to (separate) college, I had a moment one night when I thought - on my gosh - we sent them away to school after only having stayed out past midnight for prom! I worried that they would become party animals of some kind - and I guess we parents raised them well because they have not - are very focused and have dropped friends who did turn out to be party animals.

It is important for kids to have structure and boundaries. The world out there is so different from when we were that age - things are more permissive and kids do things at younger ages. I think having curfews sometimes gives them an out when they really do not want to do something with friends and do not want to have to admit that.

Stand your ground. Your house, your rules. We all say we are never going to say that to our kids - and we all do!

[MLee]

Yep, midnight it was, until they were 21 and then we lightened up a bit.

[emarie803]

I lived at home til I was almost 20 and as long as I was under their roof, I followed my parents rules. My curfew (until I got a night shift job in the ER) was 11:30 every night. I still had to ask permission to go out and tell them where I was going and who I would be with. No boys could spend the night and I couldn't spend the night at their house. I think your rules are very fair.

[ladycardfan]

I think your rules are very fair -- my daughter is almost 18 and she thinks she should own the world and have freedom. When I reminded her freedom comes at a price (rent, utilities, car insurance, etc.), she has been a bit more respectful. I am shocked how disrespectful kids are today. My daughter had her third wreck in 7 months -- and it is no big deal to her -- even after I told her she would pay for it.

[scraptag]

If she's still in high school, then it doesn't matter that she's 18. She still needs to abide by your rules. Tell her, she will have all the freedom she can handle in college!

[sarahwhithers]

Well I know when I was 18 it was a bit different. 18 is our Legal age to go out drinking, so my curfew was shortly after the bar closing at 2am (gotta give drive home time ). But my parents always knew where I was and since I was usually the designated driver, I don't think they worried about me too much. It wasn't until I was 21 that I would stay overnight at a boyfriends place, and then they still always knew where I was. I won't lie it is all because of the trust my parents had for me. I was always the good girl - good student, follow the rules, etc...- so they didn't worry about me. They knew I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Probably not much help for ya, but thought I'd share.

[grifscap]

They sound fair to me. It is your home and your rules.

[meteechtap]

If you think it would help, you should have her read this thread you posted! It's not like we all live in the same state and your pursading our responses, your getting a great honest reponse from all the ladies!


I too was the Good Girl in my circle! My parents knew we generally stayed out of trouble, and we didn't drink, so If I was going to be out

passed curfew I would call and let them know. We didn't have cell phones in High School, so we had to find pay phones!

[LaWanna]

Well, I don't have teenagers yet. But she lives under your roof and she should follow your rules. But your rules, should also be fair, respective of her age and maturity level as well as her behavior. Sounds like you are being totally reasonable to me. Someday, she's going to realize that 18 is not, in fact, grown up.

[Queen Mum]

Your house = Your rules.


Even if she were 30 and visiting your house she should be mature enough to consider that coming and going at odd hous keeps you awake and is rude.


Being 18 doesn't mean anything but a number.

[scrappininAK]

I agree - it's your house therefore your rules and they sound more than fair. When I grew up kids didn't have cars till they had real jobs so the parents did most of the pick up and drop offs so we really didn't hang out too much in the week

[handerful]

I agree with others - your house, your rules. I think you are more than fair.

[Jenn Kellams]

I do agree with the your house= your rules thing, however each child is different and you have to look at their behavior past and present and maturity level. At 18, I was to be in by 12:00 on the weekdays and 2:30 on the weekends. I was no longer in high school either though. I was in high for part of being 18 and my curfew was still 12:00 but it was for the weekdays and weekends.

[scrapaholic]

You are more than fair, its 11:00pm at our house for the 19 and 18 year old.

[Kim2002]

Your rules sound very fair to me. Far better than when I was 18......no boyfriends allowed at the house (ever!), must be home when the street lights turn on (seriously, that was a rule from the time I was 8 til I left home), and certainly not allowed to go to any parties.

[ladycardfan]

I am so glad people responded to this! It lets me know I am not alone!

[scrapsakes]

i am strict too and my daughter's only 14, but you are definitely fair!
i get the whole "i'm 18" thing, but for as long as she's getting a free
ride from you guys, then she has to abide by your rules and that's it!

when she's on her own, she can make her own rules, but till then...