I'm Devastated...

[Cimorosete]

 Well for over a year I've been going through some really tough stuff with my husband. First of all let me back track some, we have been together since I was 15, which is 23 years. Well in 2001 he got in some serious trouble and went to federal prison in 2002. We got married a few months before he went away. I stood by his side and made the 2 1/2 hour trip (one way) to visit him. He sent me and the kids the best cards and I got the best love letters. I really fell deeper in love with him. He was incarcerated for 6 years and I was faithful and I was there for him. He got released in May of 2007 and everything was wonderful up until the end of Sept. He started going and staying out. Never spending time with me and our daughter.(My son lives on his own with his GF and their daughter) Then I started hearing all kinds of rumors about him and this girl. She is not a good girl, to be blunt she is a crack whore, has no teeth, holes in her face from picking her face (crack addicts do that), lost custody of her kids, never has had a job. You get the picture. He has known her all his life, he grew up with the family. For a year I was going crazy from all the rumors and him telling me its not true. I've been through counseling and I'm on mediicine. Well almost 5 months ago he left me. He said he was tired of hurting me and he loved me too much to keep doing it. I've been so hopeful that we would get back together. Then the other night I just felt like something isn't right, if he loves me so much, why doesn't he act like he misses me. So I called him and kept pushing him and finally he admitted a had "some feelings' for her. That about killed me right there. Well last night an old friend called me and my husband is really good friends with her husband. Apparently all the rumors I've heard and didn't want to believe are true. He has been lying to me for over a year, how can someone be that cruel. I called him up and he finally came clean. They have even been intimate and that totally makes me sick, physically sick thinking about it. He is waiting for her to get out of jail and yes she is that type of girl. How can you love someone for that long and then poof your in love with a skank. He is almost 41 years old and she is 26, that is just sick. Our son is 20. I totally don't understand and I literally feel like I am going to die from the pain. He says hes sorry and he don't know what happened. That doesn't help at all. Our daughter who is 16 has been done with him for quite someitme now and our son finally called him last night and told him to stay away from all of us. My husband called me last night and asked me not to turn the kids against hm, I didn't , he did. He lied to them to, and I am the one who raised them, not him. Of course they can't stand to see me like. I really just don't know how I am going to go on. I couldn't sleep last night and all I am doing is crying. I have this huge pain in  the middle of my chest and my heart is breaking. I am so thankful my daughter is her for me. She slept with me last night. But I am a really good person and I don't deserve this. I asked him what ws wrong with me and he said nothing, Your perfect. How can he walk out on 23 years, especially after I was there for him when he was going through his bad time.

I would really love some advice, especially from someone who has gone through something similiar. I am so lost.

[asset]

 I haven't been through anything like this, I am so sorry you have to go through it. Take a deep breath, you will get through it. ((((HUGS))))

[Grandma Flowers]

 I'm so sorry for your pain.  You're right about one thing, you are a good person and you don't deserve this.  Perhaps you should see a counselor or doctor to help deal with your pain.  No matter how old your kids are, they still need you.  Big hugs to you.

[nene]

 Sorry that you are having to deal with all this.

[CarlaB72]

I haven't been there but I wanted to say that you are a great person from what I have read in my time on the board.  You can't make someone stay in love with you and you never know what the future holds.  As harsh as this may sound, maybe your lives have hit that fork in the road and he is going his way and you are going yours.  There is always a reason something happens - it just takes a while for you to figure out what it is.

Many hugs to you and know that even though I don't know exactly what you are going through - I am right beside you so you aren't alone.

[bigsmartass]

 ((hugs))

I'm sorry you are going through this!  No experience with anything like this, but hopefully someone will give you some good advice.

[AmyTeets]

Big hugs to you!  I don't have any advice for you but it sounds like YOU raised some fantastic children!  You have a great family with them and that's all you need!  I think he's going to realize what a mistake he's made, maybe not today or tomorrow but in the future.  If anything this is going to make you a stronger person and mother.  It may be really hard right now, but everything happens for a reason.  If she's using, then maybe he is too, which could mean more prison time for him, kwim.
((HUGS)) 

[AnnOminous]

 I have been through something slightly similar.  My exfiance woke up 6 months before our wedding paralyzed from the belly button down.  The wedding got postponed as when it was time he was still in the hospital with the paralysis spreading and the doctors unable to stop it.  20 months after it started they finally figured out that he had a cancerous tumor eating up his spinal column.  He went through chemo and radiation and did beat the cancer, though he is paralyzed from just below the armpits down.  I went through all of this with him.  He refused to marry me, saying it was for my own good, that I would be more nursemaid than wife.  It was horrible to just be rejected and kicked to the curb like that.  I could of handled it better if he had died.  All I can say is to keep getting help, counseling and medication.  I should of done that a lot sooner than I did (in fact a friend had to pretty much do an intervention to get me help).  Eventually you will get through it.  Some people just aren't the person you thought they were.

[BeatrizS]

im very sorry you are going through this... BUT really ... he is doing you a favor... If he is sleeping with a crack whore... then you should really be glad he is out of your life!!! First of all dont look at it as a bad thing... Think of the diseases you could get from him, The lying and cheating and SNAP out of it.  The person you fell madly in love with while he was in jail doesnt really exsist.  There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with you!!! HE is the one with the ISSUES!!!! Think of your kids and grandbaby and pat yourself on the back and close that chapter of your life!!! I wish you good luck and i hope you dont feel like i was to hard on you!!! i know how it feels to be cheated on and to feel like something is wrong with me... once you get over it you realize nothing is wrong with me its all him!!!!

[nun69]

 I don;t have much advice other than you are a GREAT person and you must keep going...you have some AWESOME kids and they are going to see that you ALL get through this {{{HUGS}}}}

[milmomma]

 No advice, just hugs and prayers. You are a great person and will go on.

[lilkoala3]

 Sweetheart, if I were you, I'd get to a therapist.  Do you have one that you normally see?  I can't imagine what you're going through, but I know that you shouldn't be handling this alone.  I'm so glad you have your family to help you through this, but therapists can help you so much. 

Either way, you have every reason to be depressed, angry, and hurt.  I'm thinking about you.  Know that you WILL get through this.  I know it's hard to understand this, but things will get better with time. 

[koala1966]

I don't have advice, just wanted to send you some ((HUGS))

[1LuckyMom]

I have no advice - couldn't even venture to give any - but I do want to say how sorry I am for the pain you are going through, and that NO WAY do you deserve this.  When you say that you are 100% right, and you need to just keep saying it over and over again.  Let your kids envelope you in their love, because it is clear that they love and respect you and desire to take good care of you.  I pray for strength for all of you, and that time will heal all of you. 

[scrapbelle]

 I have never been through anything like this, but wanted to let you know that I will keep you in my prayers!  You don't realize it now, but you are so much better off not having him around.  Hang in there!!  ((((((((HUGS))))))))

[bayouscrap]

 First off I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I understand your pain and thinking. I have been betrayed also.

   It is hard and you may or may not ever understand what happened. The important thing is for you to go through the process like it's a death cause it is a death of your marriage. You will hurt and you will be angry, let those feeling happen do not hold them in. You did nothing wrong don't ever let him tell you that. It truly is not you it is him and some people have that in them and will keep on doing it.

   Go to counseling by yourself it will help to have someone totally detached from you and your family to talk to. You will overcome this and come away a stronger person than you were before.
   Please go get tested immediately he exposed you to all kinds of diseases. 

Here is a place that helped me when it happened to me. It is another message board and on that one you remain totally anonymous.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rladultery

[kennabeans]

No advice, just hugs!!  {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

[Ladybug11]

I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time!!!  Sounds like such a terrible situation, and although I don't know you very well....NO ONE deserves to be in that sort of position!!  It definitely helps to talk things out....you know we are all here for you...and of course a therapist could be helpful as well.  I know that I can't totally relate to your situation....however when I feel like things are so bad that they can't possibly get any worse I just remind myself that it only means that things could get just start getting better.  Things have a funny way of working out in the end.  Just hand in there and keep getting the support from your friends (us), and your kids!

 

[Rici76]

 My heart is breaking to hear that he has done this to you and though, I have not been through this I feel that love throws us lots of curve balls but when it is right in our face....we have to deal with it. It IS going to hurt like hell but you are worth so much more and so are you kids....you have to let him go! Start doing the things you need to do to get you and your kids in a happier place... life it TOO SHORT!

[-Tracy-]

 I'm sorry I have no advice for you, just lots of (((((((hugs)))))))).