ACOT Message Board

 Hi gals,

Without getting specific, can I just complain for a minute?  I am shaking like a leaf because I just had a very unpleasant encounter with the man I'm divorcing. I am trying to calm myself down but am having a hard time.  I feel mentally exhausted, but fear I can't sleep because my mind is racing.  Does anyone have a recommendation for something to read to calm yourself and relieve anxiety that you're feeling? 

 When I was going through my divorce I would take a sleep aid and read The Psalms and when I finished them I started in on Proverbs. I also read a lot of self help books at the time - more the type of "getting through hard times" than the type you see on the market today.

Good luck to you. Remember, getting angry and worrying isn't going to change the outcome. Getting smart will.

Themom wrote: When I was going through my divorce I would take a sleep aid and read The Psalms and when I finished them I started in on Proverbs. I also read a lot of self help books at the time - more the type of "getting through hard times" than the type you see on the market today.

Good luck to you. Remember, getting angry and worrying isn't going to change the outcome. Getting smart will.

OK, how do I get smart?  I really need to know!

 How about your favorite book, the one you can get lost in? I've BTDT and I know that was about the only thing that would work for me. That, and writing in a journal to get it out.  (((((BIG HUGS))))) to you

 Take a hot shower. The kind that leave your skin red. I usually sit on the floor, let the water hit me, and cry. HUGS!!!

 Sorry you are having to deal with an idiot.

I can't help you on the divorce thing but for when you get anxious you can this:

Get a cd of ocean sounds (with or without music)  Lay in a darken roomed and try to time your breathing with the waves crashing. 

IT takes a lot of concentration and will calm you.

 I am so sorry too.  I can't read when I am frazzled or have a lot of stress, but listening to soothing music and drinking something warm/hot helps me a lot.

 If he is being "unpleasant" in a threatening way, please document EVERY detail, & make sure you share it with someone, especially your lawyer. (((hugs)))

 Soak in the tub with hot water, candles and some soothing music.

 I'm sorry you had such an unpleasant encounter with him. I'm sure it's a terribly stressful time. For me, when I need to destress, I like to sit in a hot bubble bath and read. I like to read the Chicken Soup books. They have them for every type of person or situation. I lovemy Chicken Soup for the Military Wives Soul.  Or even your favorite book, I fantasy feel-good story. Something that you can get lost in. Good luck! (((HUGS)))

 when I am stressed, I love watching movies that are complete fantasy. Takes me away from the everyday grind. Movies such as LOTR, Harry Potter, or even superhero ones such as Xmen.

I hope that things start getting easier for you and I agree, if he is threatening you in anyway, make sure you document it with the authorities or let someone know!!!

 I got to the point where I wouldn't go near him unless I had cops or court-appointed people with me.  Then I'd go buy myself a book or pj's or something I wanted, knowing he'd never see it - and I was putting even more space between us.

Don't let him get to you. Constantly remind yourself that you are stronger than this, worth it & deserve your happiness & you will get through it even if means one day at a time. Surround yourself with happy people & friends/family that won't judge you but be there for you. Take long walks & enjoy the little things around you. Make your life simple.

You control your own happiness & your own life & no one can take that away from you.

Big hugs

 I had an ex husband that would affect me like that- I would be so upset my hands would tremble and I had knots in my stomach.  (he was abusive).
take a warm bath-and soak. light a vanilla or lavender candle for soothing smell.  Take 2 ibuprofen and pray to ask god to release you from this emotion so that you can rest and renue-

 Thanks, everyone.  I think these are all really good ideas.  I had a long talk with God about all this last night, and I am trying to lay this at His feet.  

Does the abuse ever stop?  I mean, once you're divorced, do they ever lose interest, or just move on?

Sorry you are going through such a hard time. I travel alot with my work so in addition to reading you can go to the health food store and try Melatonin. Melatonin is the chemical your body naturally produces to help you sleep (warm milk also releases this chemical, that's why grandma would tell you warm milk will help you sleep). It is non-habit forming and does not leave you groggy in the morning.

Alter a book and make yourself a journal. writing things down can help you sort out your feelings. Plus it can be a fun project. You do not need to write. Make a collage, take a sharpie to copies of old photos or old love notes. Write a letter (I reccomend not actually sending the letter) telling him how he makes you feel when he is being a jerk.

If all else fails pick up the instruction manual for you cell phone or TV. you will be asleep in no time.

 When I'm worried about things, I just start praying that seems to do the trick.....something about laying in the dark & saying prayers does it for me.  For relaxation I watch favorite movies or do something that calms me.  I have not had to do any of those things in a long time.  When I was going through some of the hard times I would play a small hand held electronic games (whatever you like) or pet my dog.  Something about the petting is soothing to me.  Weird, I guess, but it works.

AnnieLaurie wrote: Thanks, everyone.  I think these are all really good ideas.  I had a long talk with God about all this last night, and I am trying to lay this at His feet.  

Does the abuse ever stop?  I mean, once you're divorced, do they ever lose interest, or just move on?

I am not divorced, but from friends & stories my dh tells (he's a cop), some will move on & leave you alone, some will not- at least not until they are forced to. I know emotions can run higher while going thru the divorce, hang in there & stick to your guns. You will get through this.

sdwhru wrote: When I'm worried about things, I just start praying that seems to do the trick.....  or pet my dog.  Something about the petting is soothing to me.  Weird, I guess, but it works.

I agree wholeheartedly with these suggestions.     Having a little furry pet to hug and cuddle is so soothing and therapeutic for the soul.      Also, share your story with a close and trusted friend.    And for moral support and lots of virtual hugs ... come to us!    We can give many hugs for moral support for you!    Take care!

 I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Thankfully, scrapping usually does it for me. Playing with paper and glue and scissors really takes my mind somewhere else. I've, unfortunately, been having to use this technique for the past week or so myself.