Same vein as "Meanest Mom" thread

Post by **MOM2SNOX** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 3:13 pm

Couldn't agree with you more Wendy! That or attending someone elses.... *a sobering thought*

baltoscrapper · Post by **baltoscrapper** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 3:19 pm

I would definately tell him first. I think the trust would be destroyed (on his end) if you blindside him. I'm kind of split on the randoms, on one hand its good that you would know if he went back to using. On the other, it makes it seem that even if he proved that he wasn't using with the first test, that you STILL don't believe in him. That would make me sad as a child. Now, if there was ANY inkling that he was using, or getting a ticket or having an accident, than I would have NO problem testing!

Flasher · Post by **Flasher** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 3:22 pm

I don't think it's mean at all and I applaud you for your position! I think it's a great idea just as you presented it!

TinaH · Post by **TinaH** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 3:53 pm

There already seems to be a trust issue if you are going to test him for drugs. I personally don't buy it that it was only on weekends with friends. Also, not all kids experiment with drugs--it is not a right of passage issue for everyone. It may be a smart thing to do in your case. I've seen the kids around the high school. The same ones that are involved with drugs are also the ones to "show off" in their cars.

queenie_swb · Post by **queenie_swb** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 4:22 pm

Great comments here! An issue that will be coming up for us sooner than later! (step-son turns 16 in February). I wanted to add that I think it's awesome that he volunteered the information to you. Shows that you have a great relationship. Very very important with what is out there in the world for the kids to "try".

Post by **TheFiberLady** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 4:29 pm

nope trish you need to be on top of that...all the problems we've had with my stepson were pot related. his actions just keep getting worse and worse...twice i've turned his license back into the state for 6 months at a crack...you need to nip that one in the bud as fast as you can. I just found out recently how far back the abuse went ( like 13?) and here i just thought he was a rebellious child and braindead. They lace pot with all kinds of things now a days, you would be surprised...have him tested before the permit though no sense on wasting the money...if he tests clean get the permit but test before the license exam....kids also are very aware of drug cleanout kits...so don't let him know when you are going to do the test, in case he uses one of those because you'll get a false negative.i'm not sure why my stepson tells me certain things. he tells me the truth about this kind of stuff but lies about everything else. i've seen so many kids lose their lives and wreck their lives over drugs...maybe your son needs you to say that he can't hang out with those friends? it starts with pot and then just takes off from there. pot is in so many schools and even at the gradeschool level, it's such a scary problem. I don't approve of pot obviously, my stepson has done some real damage to his life because of it. and it is going to take years to recover from it if he does. it's a sad habit.

ScrapSis · Post by **ScrapSis** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 5:00 pm

It is great that he told you, but Stay On Top of it. I like your plan - he needs to regain your trust and this is how he does it. He will be mad...but life will go on and you will be keeping him and others safe. Thanks!

Post by **Emsdancemom** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 5:19 pm

I agree that it is great that he told you...but. What were the consequences of his actions?I would test him without warning. He needs to know that he shouldn't be doing this. And he needs to understand better you catch and punish him than the LAW!

FurBaby_Mom · Post by **FurBaby_Mom** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 5:28 pm

That stinks all around. I would feel like he jeopardized my trust by using the pot....so rules change after that. My house, my rules. If he throws the "you let me down" business, then you're even! He let you down, too. It's a tough one, though, because you run the risk of him NOT telling you. I guess you can have this discussion after the test. Good mom-son opportunity. Tell him exactly what your dilemma is. Sorry, Trish.

Post by **MOM2SNOX** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 5:42 pm

Oh trust me Warren! He KNOWS the consequences of his actions! And you're right to a certain degree.... but at the moment I think I'm going to be harder on him then the law would be for a first time offense. Sad but true, here's what our local state law is for possession: (First offense):Penalties for minors can include fines up to $500 and/or 30 days of detention and/or 12 months of supervision and/or 150 community service hours.Ya know what the punishment will be if I find drugs on him? Privileges removed for the rest of the school year, discommunication with his friends (including computer e-mail, MySpace messages, etc), reduction in allowance (he has to be paying for it somehow), restricted to the house and additional conditions will be related to grades and behavior. I know it's easier said then done so I'm hoping he never gives me a reason to deploy such extreme measures.For those heading in this direction within the next couple of years, it'd be a good idea to do a little research about teens and the law in your area. Here's a pdf document I downloaded right before the school year since A was heading to his first year in high school, which meant a new category of challenges, issues and friends. Page 5 was particularly useful and we use their tips all the time; http://www.issaquah.wednet.edu/document ... enslaw.pdf

suslvgeo · Post by **suslvgeo** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 5:53 pm

I am so not looking forward to this part of Cole's life!HUGE HUGS hon, this has got to be tough!!!

Wendy-Gale · Post by **Wendy-Gale** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 7:36 pm

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Post by **MOM2SNOX** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 7:58 pm

Amy ~ Yep... that's where we're at right now.. Thanks for the support and encouraging words!Sus... just think... you've got at least 8 or 9 more years to prepare! Thanks chica!

Flapdoodle · Post by **Flapdoodle** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 8:03 pm

I'll tell you----if I had kids, I'd DEFINITELY be the #1 meanest mom in the whole world because I wouldn't put up with jack crap from my kids.If they didn't like my rules, they could live elsewhere.That's how it was when I grew up and I thank my mom all the time for it.So.......NO. I don't think you're mean at all. I think it's a great thing that you're involved in your child's life enough to care enough about his safety and the safety of others on the roads.

Henu_Nea · Post by **Henu_Nea** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 4:22 pm

I think that's a fair deal and you should be commended. I would do the same thing. I think it's awesome that he trusts you enough to tell you about his experimentation. I do think you should tell him prior to the test about the drug testing. You don't want to lose that trust. I wouldn't tell him too far in advance b/c you want the results to be honest.I am curious as to where you get the testing done? I would love to use this tactic when my girls are older.

Post by **MOM2SNOX** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 4:31 pm

Henu-Nea ~ Since I'm the Occupational Health Coordinator here at the clinic, I have access to "freebies/sample" kits from drug screening companies... perks of the job

But ANY Occupational Health Clinic has the capability of running the test since most are set up to perform pre-employment drug screening for companies. You can also purchase a home-kit at your local pharmacy. I think some emergency rooms will also perform an instant drug screen. Our in-house (instant drug screen) kits run about $35 per patient and tests for 6 different drugs. It's pretty accurate too.. If you want more information, feel free to ask here or PM me!

Post by » Fri Jan 11, 2008 4:48 pm

Interesting topic. Bethany is now old enough to get her permit.. . you only have to be 14 in Alaska. She's planning to do so over the summer. She's such a good kid, and is not at all interested in drinking or doing drugs, and I honestly don't see her changing, at least with the current group she runs with. Of course, I realize that could change as she gets older. I hope not, but I'm realistic to know that it could happen. I'm honestly not sure how I'd handle it. But, since he's already admitted to using, I think doing the drug test is the right way to go. Better safe than sorry!

JenniferP · Post by **JenniferP** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 4:53 pm

I think your idea is great. I don't see why you'd have to warn him, he should be clean anyways, right? And isn't there something that people can take to pass a drug screen if they know they are going to fail??

Post by **MOM2SNOX** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 5:11 pm

Mindy ~ You'd be surprised at HOW fast they can be influenced, change their mind or succumb to curiousity. I thought the SAME thing about Alex... skateboarder, gamer, no interest in girls, alcohol or drugs and within a month, he was experimenting with sex and pot! Trust me, I wasn't naive enough to think he would NEVER be tempted to try anything but I thought it'd be closer to 18... not sure why! And since we've always had a good repoire and the ability to talk about issues, it's been a bit easier to handle had we NOT been as open as he was growing up.Jen ~ Yes, there are SEVERAL methods to clear your system of certain drugs and there's no guarantee his results will be entirely accurate. I can only hope that he's telling me the truth when I DO question him about his use.

PopPop · Post by **PopPop** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 5:49 pm

I hate to rain on your parade but if it is surprised on him there goes your trust issues down the drain. I feel what I did was a big help. I had my son write his own contract which stated the way he could get his permit and keep it. Along with the contract he had to come up with consequences for his actions that were related to the incident. The rules had to be acceptable to him and I both.Things included in the contract were grades, drinking, drugs, curfew violations and responsibilities to the family.I hope this helps.