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With all the moving we've been doing it nearly slipped my mind... I knew when I woke up this morning I was feeling like there was something I was forgetting.. I got to spend almost 4 months with her before she went back home.

[Retiree3]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

[4peasinourpod]

this totally breaks my heart.
You are a beautiful person, and I am sorry that you have such heartache.

Please don't feel sad for me... most days I'm good... I've had 24 years to heal.. of course missin and wonderin about what might have been never goes away... I rarely cry over it and the silliest things will trigger a flood of tears...like when the band bus had to stop for gas an food.. here I am chaparoning band kids an I break out into uncontrollable sobs... right across where we parked was the funeral home where she waited.. an near there was our apt. Her only home which I could see the balcony of our apt. I haven't been back to that part of town since we moved.. she was buried there.. this is h er bday an I wanted to wish her happy 24th. I wonder sometimes what she would have been like... I think she looked like me a lil and a lot like her younger sister <Holly...

[blbabe1234]

This is so sad, but it seems like you have gotten stronger because of it. I really don't know what else to say......

[mgehrke]

Happy Birthday to your Rachel. I am so proud of you to be able to still think of her especially on her bday. A mother never forgets

[pawprints]

This is so sad Lana. I don't even have words to say to you.

Thank You for the kind words... I should go to her little grave but its a few hours away. When I have gone on her bday or the day of her passing, its such an empty feeling... i just stare at the little headstone that reads, "she gave us so much to be so little, but then again, angels always do". her headstone has a carving of a baby sleeping in the clouds with Our father in heavens hand holding her. Like I said its an empty feeling I feel staring at a stone... I cant relate to a stone... I could relate to the warmth of her in my arms... I know she isnt there anymore... just her body so for me, I just feel like she is away on a vacation somewhere where I cannot go at this time.

My mom took pics of her resting place last time she came to visit.. and she sent me a bunch of pics..the only pics of her that I had... I didnt get to have many pics of her because 1, she was 2nd child...before digital, 2..she was in the hospital for a while with pnewmonia so taking pics when she was so sick wasnt even on my mind. The few pics I personally had of her burned up in a house fire back in 95. thankfully mom still had a few.

Someday I will scrap them... Im still not ready...

But today is her bday so I remind myself and laugh cause I know if she were here...just like all the other kids, she would give me attitude, roll her eyes at her mom and probably give me just as much grief as they did when they were teens... Im sure she would do everything I didnt want her too...like get married too soon and go against everything I would have taught her... so when I feel sad, I remind myself of these things an smile cause I know that all thats probably true.. thats how I keep it real...

[oceanbreezes423]

My prayers are with you today Lana as you grieve, but smile at the happiness she brought you! I can not begin to imagine your pain, just know we are here for you, and you are amazingly strong!!! God Bless!!!!! PS, that headstone sounds amazing!

[JulesinParadise]

Please don't feel sad for me... most days I'm good... I've had 24 years to heal.. of course missin and wonderin about what might have been never goes away... I rarely cry over it and the silliest things will trigger a flood of tears...like when the band bus had to stop for gas an food.. here I am chaparoning band kids an I break out into uncontrollable sobs... right across where we parked was the funeral home where she waited.. an near there was our apt. Her only home which I could see the balcony of our apt. I haven't been back to that part of town since we moved.. she was buried there.. this is h er bday an I wanted to wish her happy 24th. I wonder sometimes what she would have been like... I think she looked like me a lil and a lot like her younger sister <Holly...

I don't think a heart touched by the death of a child is ever the same. You and our Janet Miller have a lot in common. Hugs!

[CherryTat]

That's so sad Lana. You will never forget her of course, you are her Mom. It's good that you think about her and remember her. My sister lost her second child in childbirth- he was a big baby and they just couldn"t get him out in time. I was there for the whole thing and it was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever experienced. My sister had a very rough time for a couple of years after. He was a healthy baby. She talks about him and remembers him on his birthday, etc. Not quite the same situation as yours, but similar. Happy Birthday to your Rachel

[Ayla]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child. I have lost both parents and a brother, and I never visit any of their gravesites. It's not that I don't care, but I don't believe they are there. They live in my heart every day, and I merely talk to them wherever I am at that moment. But odd things make me sad about my mom too, and it's been over 30 years since she's been gone!

[FairyMouseMom]

sorry

[scrappitydee]

Happy birthday to her. I agree with the other ladies - it's great that you're able to think about her now and then and on special days. She remembers you, too, and is excited to see you again one day.

Maybe it would be a good idea to let a friend scrap her pictures? That way you will have the pages and easy access to the memories without having to ignore the emotions in order to get it done. ?? It's a thought, anyway.


Special thoughts and prayers for you today.

I had to pick up my grandson from school today so I thought how special it would be to honor her today with a lil celebration. Since my oldest daughter Amber was the older sister and the only sister she had at the time...I thought how perfect would it be to celebrate her day with Ambers son...so we went to DQ...bought some waffle cones...and sang Happy Birthday to her.. It was a sweet moment that I shared with my grandson..I told him about how little his mommy was when his aunt Rachel passed as well as share the few lil memories I have of her. Thanks all for the good wishes and thoughts.. I appreciate it.. Ya'll are too sweet..

Zachary is 9..He said, Yes my mommy told me about her and I think she hangs around us sometimes..

[debamas]

Oh Lana, what i nice idea to share with your grandson. I'm glad his mommy told him about his aunt as well. Keeping her memory alive, knowing your sad days and moments of sudden tears is perfectly normal, I think would be a good for all. Happy Birthday to your special angel.

[nun69]

oh Lana...this made me cry and what a great little grandon you have....{{{HUGS}}}

[cathy h]

So sorry! I am sure she is smiling down on you:)

[1grandma]

It is so hard to loose a baby. We lost two of our grandsons and I can understand your lost. Hugs to you.

[sherry]

I am sorry for your loss, that to me has to be one of the hardest things in life to go through, the loss of a child. Of course you would think of her, wonder what she would've become, who she would've married, what job she would've chosen---