Information

[cort]

I have no personal experience in what you are going through, but wanted you to know that your children are truly blessed to have a parent that they can talk to. I think the journaling is a wonderful idea, you need some where where you can express your thoughts.

While i was reading your post I kept thinking of a butterfly, they start in one form and change into something completely different. Perhaps a small book of the transition of Sarah to Adam would be a way to express the change. It may end up a type of "mourning" itself...but i would see it as a transition.

Will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

[ScrapGoo]

I don't have anything new to add that hasn't already been so wonderfully said but I couldn't read and not add my support. I think what you are feeling sounds 100% normal and it is obvious that Adam (and you) will be just fine at the "end" of this. You get a huge gold star in my book for the way you've responded so far! Just keep on being a great mama and be honest with him and yourself.

[gonecamping]

I don't have any words of wisdom to add either. I don't have any experience with something like this. We did have a close family friend that changed to a man. It was a long hard process but to us he was the same person, just had a little bit of a different look. I admire you Nancy, you are an inspiration to all mothers out there. And Adam is very lucky to have such love and support. I think you are having normal feelings that anyone going through this would have. (((Hugs)))

[ammielou]

My DD told me 5 yrs ago she was gay. She had a girlfriend until her mother found out. DD was in this relationship for almost 3 yrs. Now the GF is in college and dating boys, DD has tried to have relationships with boys but they never last. 8mos was the longest. My DBro is also gay. I don't personally know anoyne who has transgendered, but I do know alot of guys who spend their times dressed and "being" women. DBro has a ba on River Street (Savannah), and is friends with the owner of a club downtown, maybe some of you know Club One where Lady Chablis (Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil) perfoms. So if you need to talk, pm me.

[scrapsakes]

i have no words of wisdom coming from this type of experience, but i am with you ALL THE WAY!
everything you wrote, how you feel is how i would as well... mourning the loss of a living person
is a very strange thing, but not too far-removed from a divorce situation, so i think you do have
every right to go through this process however you choose to and just however long it takes

and for everything else you're going through, you will get there... for now, sending ya HUGZZZ!!

[scrappininAK]

Wow - I have no experience with anything like this - what a ton of emotions to sort through for both of you. I totally commend your mothering skills - being supportive and encouraging of Adam - he's so lucky to have you. Prayers and good thoughts for Adam, you and all your family as you all adjust to this major change. You'll always have us on your side

[dshepard]

I can't even imagine how hard this all is to process. I would love to think that I would be that open-minded and supportive, but I know I would have a really rough time dealing with it if it were me. I think others suggestions about scrapping or journaling feelings will be helpful, but I would give it some time. I find that when things are hard for me, if I give it some time, my perspective can change or I can find a way to deal with it better. Always know that you have friends here to support you no matter what...big (((hugs))))!

[Monroe1218]

I have no words of wisdom to add, but couldn't read through all of these posts and not comment on what an awesome mother you are. I agree with the other ladies who posted that maybe journaling would help. Adam is very lucky to have such a supportive mother!! Big hugs to you!!

[Ayla]

I made what feels like a huge step today (my perspective is a little off, maybe it's only a little one, but it matters to me and it feels good). I really want to thank everyone for their input and support. I don't think of myself as all that wonderful, I'm just little (ok, big lol) ole' me, trying to love my kids the best way I can. Adam called today to tell me he bought some clothes for his court date to have his name changed. He spent $48 on a nice pair of St John's Bay pants from JCPenney. My kids are like me...rather frugal about clothes. He ended up spending about $110 to get the pants, a nice dress shirt, and a tie. The shirt is emerald green, which I have to think is an homage to me in a way....I always loved seeing my redheads in green. But I asked him for a favor.....


We all know what picture freaks we scrappers are. I asked him to get pictures taken...nice ones. Not expensive, as I know he doesn't have a lot of money...WalMart would be fine. But I told him I have pictures of Sarah up on my locker at work, I want pictures of Adam. He agreed, and said he would do it soon. Step one for mom!

[MimaScraps/Lori]

Oh, my precious friend. I have been so wrapped up in all that is going on here that I am just now reading your post--late on Friday night. My heart is there with you, and if I had the money, I would fly to see you this weekend to hold your hand and to listen. Like everyone else here, I so admire your love for all of your children--your devotion, your committment, your unconditional love; these kids are so fortunate to have you as their mother. That has not changed. Adam will be even happier, knowing his mother supports and loves him and will never deny her love for him. I am a bit worried about you because mourning a loss of any type is so painful; for instance, empty nest--the mourning that lasted almost three years for me. I think counseling might be helpful to you, as A. suggested. (not sure when you would fit this into your schedule); but you've admitted that your life has changed drastically and that you want to be jolly again. I truly believe the best thing you can do for not only you but also your children is to learn ways to cope with this "loss." Please know that so many of us care about you and are proud to call you our friend. I am always here for you to listen, to pray, to send 'puter hugs. And if you ever really needed me to be there for you, I honestly would try my best to be there in person! Please let us know that you'll take good care of yourself through this emotionally draining time in your life. I send my hugs and friendship to you right now. Please take care of beautiful YOU! Oh, and use the faith you have to know--really know--that He is in control and all will be well.

[Judy in NM]

I don't have any first hand knowledge either - but reading the posts, these ladies have some awesome ideas. I think you're doing an excellent job as a Mom supporting Adam. And the most important thing is that he knows you love him unconditionally. I think the idea of having him take pictures is fabulous! Hang in there - I know it's got to be a long and tough road. (((Hugs)))

[Sandi0805]

Nancy, you have received excellent advice from all the cherries. I don't think there is much more that I could say. You've are a fantastic loving and caring mother of your 6 beautiful children. The love is there unconditionally. We see it in your journaling on your layouts and your comments on the mb. I think expressing your feelings here on the mb was just what you needed. Somewhere where you could express your feelings and not keep it all bottled up inside you. Things will certainly be different, but isn't that what life is all about. Changes in our lives and accepting them and making the best of the situation. It sounds like your family is all behind Adam and the changes to come which is because of the beliefs you taught each and every one of them. Love and like someone for who they are unconditionally. Just remember we are all here for you. Big hugs to you.

[Ayla]

Nancy, you have received excellent advice from all the cherries. I don't think there is much more that I could say. You've are a fantastic loving and caring mother of your 6 beautiful children. The love is there unconditionally. We see it in your journaling on your layouts and your comments on the mb. I think expressing your feelings here on the mb was just what you needed. Somewhere where you could express your feelings and not keep it all bottled up inside you. Things will certainly be different, but isn't that what life is all about. Changes in our lives and accepting them and making the best of the situation. It sounds like your family is all behind Adam and the changes to come which is because of the beliefs you taught each and every one of them. Love and like someone for who they are unconditionally. Just remember we are all here for you. Big hugs to you.

You are right on the mark here, Sandi. I think I just needed to feel like I wasn't keeping it all bottled up inside, because I can hardly believe how much better I feel today. The good thoughts, the well wishes, the wonderful comments, plus the reminders to keep in mind that I still have my child, have all helped beyond what I think anyone could imagine. I am SSOOOO lucky to be a part of this community!!!

[Gypsymonkey]

For the first 20-odd years of my life, I had an older brother and a younger brother. Then my older brother who had been "coming out of the closet" for years (that I didn't know about), let me know. At first, I thought he just liked to wear female clothes. However, it was more than that. He told me that for years, he had felt uncomfortable in his body. He also had a rough life with events that may or may not have contributed to this feeling. When he moved away, he began to take female hormones and now has very large breasts. He also looks good in dresses and has the cutest shoes!



At times, I refer to him as "he." After all, he was my older brother for so very long. Other times, I refer to her as "she." This is because (s)he is still caught in the middle of this translation. I admit that it's very hard at times. What I do know is that no matter what "he" is my sibling, and I will also love "her" no matter what.




My advice is to not mourn, but celebrate. Celebrate that Adam feels comfortable and loves you enough to share his feelings with you. Celebrate that Adam will continue to be in your life. Celebrate that Adam will be happy.

[Ayla]

For the first 20-odd years of my life, I had an older brother and a younger brother. Then my older brother who had been "coming out of the closet" for years (that I didn't know about), let me know. At first, I thought he just liked to wear female clothes. However, it was more than that. He told me that for years, he had felt uncomfortable in his body. He also had a rough life with events that may or may not have contributed to this feeling. When he moved away, he began to take female hormones and now has very large breasts. He also looks good in dresses and has the cutest shoes!



At times, I refer to him as "he." After all, he was my older brother for so very long. Other times, I refer to her as "she." This is because (s)he is still caught in the middle of this translation. I admit that it's very hard at times. What I do know is that no matter what "he" is my sibling, and I will also love "her" no matter what.




My advice is to not mourn, but celebrate. Celebrate that Adam feels comfortable and loves you enough to share his feelings with you. Celebrate that Adam will continue to be in your life. Celebrate that Adam will be happy.

Thank you for sharing your story. The past couple of days have been very healing with everyone here. I talked with him again today....we laughed about life in general, which we have always done. And as my DD Ali says...in a way, she's always been the only girl anyway!

[writerlady]

Hey you... I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to respond. I just read your message, and I would love to hug you - I would if I could. I guess everything has been said, and pretty dang well. So - what I can say is that your child is still your child. I get it about mourning the future (the wedding stuff, the pregnancy stuff), but you may not have had that happen anyway. My sons are 26 and 30, and I have no grandchildren and there have been no weddings. I'm trying to say - celebrate that your child trusts you, confides in you and is in your life. My sons are kind of not in my life so much. In fact, one of them won't really speak with me (cause I say dumb Mommy things). (((hugs))) and I've got very broad shoulders and an open ear!

[immom2anc]

I made what feels like a huge step today (my perspective is a little off, maybe it's only a little one, but it matters to me and it feels good). I really want to thank everyone for their input and support. I don't think of myself as all that wonderful, I'm just little (ok, big lol) ole' me, trying to love my kids the best way I can. Adam called today to tell me he bought some clothes for his court date to have his name changed. He spent $48 on a nice pair of St John's Bay pants from JCPenney. My kids are like me...rather frugal about clothes. He ended up spending about $110 to get the pants, a nice dress shirt, and a tie. The shirt is emerald green, which I have to think is an homage to me in a way....I always loved seeing my redheads in green. But I asked him for a favor.....


We all know what picture freaks we scrappers are. I asked him to get pictures taken...nice ones. Not expensive, as I know he doesn't have a lot of money...WalMart would be fine. But I told him I have pictures of Sarah up on my locker at work, I want pictures of Adam. He agreed, and said he would do it soon. Step one for mom!

You are a very amazing person. You have obviously done things right with your children to have the sort of relationships you do. I commend you for that!! Many hugs to you and the kids during your transition and DEFINITELY get some photos of Adam. He should be celebrating his new life!

[1grandma]

This is a terribly hard time for you! Our children sure know how to stretch us and make us grow! The choices that they make are THEIR choices, not ours. And most of the time, we parents can not relate to them or understand them. And they break our heart. Even though I have a difficult time understanding, I must accept that they have the right to choose. My dd is 42 yrs old with three grown children. She has recently divorced a perfectly wonderful man, good provider, great dad and (from what we all observed) someone who took great care of her. Well, she fell in love with a younger man and has decided to marry him, have more kids (since he wants children), and change all of her previously made plans to fit him in to her life, or rather fit herself into his life. I struggle with all this. I love her ex-husband like a son. Her three daughters live with him and I have no wish to upset him or them. I told my dd that even though she has divorced him, we can not. Also, I told her, that I love her and do not agree with what she has choosen even though I accept that she has the right to choose it. I also told her that I would support her in her decisions.
I don't like her choices because they hurt me and her family and are contrary to my Catholic beliefs. But I CHOOSE to keep her close to me and the lines of communication open. I hope that you will be able to accept Adam's choices, too. They are difficult for you, but also, for him. He has struggled and fought to get where he is. I feel your pain and loss and can identify with it even though our situations are so different. We don't stop loving our children even when they present difficult situations for us. God bless them! Nancy, I encourage you to just love him for who he is now and Sarah for who she used to be.

[3 Pals]

Nancy I applaud you. I cannot put in words how I feel as tears stream down my face. I am always so touched when I hear of people who love unconditionally and without judgement and that goes for all the cherries here that responded with such love and caring.


Allow yourself to have the feelings you do/will. You needn't find a reason why you are sad or mad or upset just allow yourself to just be.... it is funny when we are feeling badly we rack our brains analyzing why (and if we should) be having these feelings - yet when we are happy we just go along being happy! This may sound trite but really don't stress out because you don't feel like scrapping our you feel sad etc. just let yourself feel....as my Mom always said... "This, too, shall pass". It is all perfectly normal.



This must have been an exteremly difficult decision for Adam - knowing now that he will become the person he always felt he could (and should) be must be such a relief to him...and you! Because of your love your child will be allowed to become the person he was meant to be. I truly beleive this and I cannot tell you how happy I am to be a part of this group with so many others who are so supportive. Had Adam been born onto some other family he may have lived a life full of anguish, because of you he will live a life full of love and happiness.

[LyndaKay]

I've read and re-read all the posts here and there are some amazing women here that can really express themselves well, including you.
I was thinking about your younger kids. I'm hoping that when they share the news about their older brother, kids at school will be cool about it. Granted, it's probably a new subject for most kids, but one hopes that no one will be unkind with their comments. So I'm sending out hugs & good wishes to Adam's younger siblings, too.