Information

[ajkulig]

For those people who said to be the peacemaker, don't you worry this is sort of encouraging more behavoir like this in the long run? I would probably go as its better than being alone on your birthday but I would have it known that I felt disrepected, and that I did not want him to think I was always just going to roll over. A marriage has to have respect. Make sure you talk about it calmly, tell him with out getting too angry why you were upset, and that you do not want him to disrespect you like that in the future.

[Queen Mum]

It would depend on how other things are.

If this was just part of a big picture where the man is self centered, then there are deeper problems. But if this is the only issue that causes problems, talk it over and figure out what each of you have for expectations.

It's always a matter of communication.

For those people who said to be the peacemaker, don't you worry this is sort of encouraging more behavoir like this in the long run? I would probably go as its better than being alone on your birthday but I would have it known that I felt disrepected, and that I did not want him to think I was always just going to roll over. A marriage has to have respect. Make sure you talk about it calmly, tell him with out getting too angry why you were upset, and that you do not want him to disrespect you like that in the future.

[JDs Mom]

Man are you guys more evolved than me! I not only would not GO, I'd probably not speak to him for at least another week!

If you feel you should go, then go, wear your the sexist outfit you can find, spend a ton on it, have a whole spa day and put it on his credit card--look like a million bucks and then flirt with every guy you see. Also, I'd tell every body who worked at that casino ( or anybody who will listen) that not only did he think judging a karaoke contest on your birthday was more important that honoring his promise that he'd be home with you, but that his way of making it up to you is to "buy" you dinner that he doesn't even have to pay for! (did I get the story straight??)

Again--just my opinion, and I'm an evil little hobbit...

[deerewife]

Man are you guys more evolved than me! I not only would not GO, I'd probably not speak to him for at least another week!

If you feel you should go, then go, wear your the sexist outfit you can find, spend a ton on it, have a whole spa day and put it on his credit card--look like a million bucks and then flirt with every guy you see. Also, I'd tell every body who worked at that casino ( or anybody who will listen) that not only did he think judging a karaoke contest on your birthday was more important that honoring his promise that he'd be home with you, but that his way of making it up to you is to "buy" you dinner that he doesn't even have to pay for! (did I get the story straight??)

Again--just my opinion, and I'm an evil little hobbit...

lol - that's what I'd do in my mind....I'd probably go and then end up sulking.

[milmomma]

I'm not one for holding grudges, so I would probably go. But I would also discuss it with him and make sure he realized how much he had let me down. Perhaps you two can plan a special outing on an alternate day. My view is that the time together is the most important thing... the day itself is not. I am a nurse, and work holidays and weekends and off shifts too, so it does make things tough sometimes. We do the best we can to work around it, and sometimes things just have to give in order to keep the paycheck flowing.

I understand what your saying but sometimes we just need to feel special. This use to be a big issue in my marriage. I made big deal of his birthday, and he always forgot mine. He was always busy with the Army. Why should that make me any less special though. Its not like I usually ask for a lot. I spend money on groceries and toliets. I buy scrap stuff maybe 2 times a year. I love to hang out with him when he is home but understand that he has to work and it comes first. For just one day is it so wrong to want to be first? It could be something like sending cheap flowers or a card.

I do agree that you really need to talk to him. You two need to work out what will for you both as a couple. Everyone can see it from the outside but you guys are the ones living it. Figure out what will work so that way you both will be happy next time. After all it will come again next year

[Charleneanne]

Ok this is very important to you right now because it is your birthday and your feeling have been hurt. But how important is it going to be in a couple years, or 10 or 20 years or when you are 70 and he is possibly gone and you are thinking back on the good times. It is rotten that he messed up your birthday but in his own way, he is trying to make up for it. Go, be gracious and think what a good story it will be to tell on him in 20 years. Really. Trust me. I have been married 44 years to a man who cant even remember his own birthday.

[simplykate]

Sounds like you really do not want to go, so I say do not go. It might end up making you even more resentful. Since the roads are bad and you can't go out with family/friends, spend the evening doing something relaxing and enjoyable to you -- take a long bath, watch a movie, maybe scrapbook? And let the anger go.


I think you and your husband have different attitudes/expectations about birthdays and holidays. Sit down with him in a calm time soon and discuss this. If it was me I would tell him that I have given it some thought and realized that he just doesn't think birthdays are such a big deal and from now on you will not expect him to treat them as such. Don't make a big deal out of his birthday, and if he has to work, make your own plans for your birthday.



I can tell you that my own husband has never had a clue about what to give me for gifts. After several years of receiving gifts that HE really wanted (like DirecTV for Xmas one year!), I told him that I had everything I needed and was able to buy anything I really wanted myself, so for gifts all I wanted was a nice card or some chocolate. Changing my expectations, accepting that which I cannot change, has made me much happier. I hope it helps you, too.

I agree with this

I agree with this TOTALLY!! This is one of those times you have to remember MEN ARE FROM VENOUS WOMAN ARE FROM MARS. Have you ever read the book THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES? It will really help you understand how everyone has a one of five different way of expressing love. It is worth a read.

[TraciL]

thanks everyone and I'm going to check out that book Kate. I need all the help I can get.

I ended up going but the story sort of gets worse. I decided I really didn't want to spend my b-day there and I text him (because he doesn't answer when I call) and I said "thank you but I think I will pass" -

SOOOO, because I know him so well I got ready to go anyway. Sure enough he calls to tell me that he is leaving to pick me up. I asked him if he got my text and as usual the answer was no (funny he gets all of his work calls).

So I said that I wasn't going to go and that I text him to tell him that but that I was ready in case he didn't get the message.

Dinner was good, they have the best onion rings and then the server brought me a chocolate chip cookie with a Happy Birthday chocolate sign thing mounted on it (describing this horribly). Everyone seemed to know it was my birthday too and kept coming up to tell me HBD.

I thought that Pat ordered the cookie and so I thanked him later and he goes "I didn't do that" -

The SERVER did it all on his own!

That made my day............(It reminded me that you never know who is going to think you are special)

Thanks everyone for reading this and giving your input.

I have to be honest and tell you that my gut was telling me to just stay home but then I decided I would probably just get more mad and crabby.

Believe me, his b-day is going to come and go with only a slight fizzle this year.

And like someone said this really isn't that big of deal in the grand scheme of things.


Thanks -

[nmelton]

I am so sorry that ended up being bad anyway. I was afraid of that...you know the saying "kill em with kindness" well I am not sure if that applies now...he is being a jerk!

[GeriNY]

Happy Birthday! Sorry your day didn't go well but I hope you spend your evening doing something you enjoy. Lot's of good advice given here which I will remember in the future.

[AmyTeets]

I'm also really stubborn and wouldn't go. I would go out with my friends and have a good time while he chose to work that night

[AmyTeets]

thanks everyone and I'm going to check out that book Kate. I need all the help I can get.

I ended up going but the story sort of gets worse. I decided I really didn't want to spend my b-day there and I text him (because he doesn't answer when I call) and I said "thank you but I think I will pass" -

SOOOO, because I know him so well I got ready to go anyway. Sure enough he calls to tell me that he is leaving to pick me up. I asked him if he got my text and as usual the answer was no (funny he gets all of his work calls).

So I said that I wasn't going to go and that I text him to tell him that but that I was ready in case he didn't get the message.

Dinner was good, they have the best onion rings and then the server brought me a chocolate chip cookie with a Happy Birthday chocolate sign thing mounted on it (describing this horribly). Everyone seemed to know it was my birthday too and kept coming up to tell me HBD.

I thought that Pat ordered the cookie and so I thanked him later and he goes "I didn't do that" -

The SERVER did it all on his own!

That made my day............(It reminded me that you never know who is going to think you are special)

Thanks everyone for reading this and giving your input.

I have to be honest and tell you that my gut was telling me to just stay home but then I decided I would probably just get more mad and crabby.

Believe me, his b-day is going to come and go with only a slight fizzle this year.

And like someone said this really isn't that big of deal in the grand scheme of things.



Thanks -

Awe! Well I'm glad you had a good server and that everyone came and said HBD!!